BDSM movies with good representation

the BDSM community has been misunderstood for ages and movies like fifty shades of grey didn't help, so here are a few good movies with proper bdsm, consensual, relationships.

It’s no secret that the BDSM community has been ostracised from the rest of the world for centuries. And when it finally broke into the mainstream, it was with those shitty books I devoured as a teenager: Fifty Shades of Grey.

Now, Fifty Shades is a weird and objectively bad franchise with some poorly written Twilight fanfiction thrown in there, but it gave us all, those who practice BDSM, a bad reputation for ignoring consent and not informing our charge (as a dom) of the risks they encounter during a session.

I’ve been practicing BDSM for almost ten years now, and never has it ended in tears of someone begging me to stop. It has always been about respecting the person’s boundaries and doing what is asked of me.

Now, here’s a personal selection of films with good BDSM representation, even though some of them are quite… peculiar. Although I’d like to apologize but I haven’t watched any (yet) with queer representation, so sadly there is none on this list.

The Secretary (2002)

Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader (who’s in a lot of sexual films of the late 90s and early 00s) are bringing this simple film to life in the most majestic way. Maggie plays a young secretary to the older lawyer played by James Spader, and slowly their relationship turns sexual and sadomasochistic.

I didn’t love the ending of this film, but it’s probably one of the sexiest films I’ve ever seen because of how slowly everything develops. It’s beautifully shot, and kinda deranged at times, but the relationship is consensual, and I would even say necessary for Maggie’s character, who had a history of self-harm. Trigger warning for that.

Babygirl (2024)

I know this film didn’t please everyone (for some reason, I don’t understand the criticism), but this film is about a female girlboss who’s unfullfilled by her home life, and seeks a dom in the form of the hottest young intern in her company. You don’t get a lot of scenes of domination/submission since I don’t think they set out to make a BDSM movie, but more a movie about the unfulfilling life of a woman who ‘has it all’. Still, I thought it was a great scene, the sex scenes were intense, and the scenes between the dom and the sub were just stunning and charged with anticipation and exaltation. What more could you ask from it?

The feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed (2023)

Now this is not a film I love, in fact, I found the acting quite robotic, but this was shot, edited, and directed by the same person, so mad respect there. This is the story of a 30-year-old navigating the dating scenes and the submissive scenes, encountering different doms but always coming back to an older man played by Max Medina from Gilmore Girls (guys, he aged like fine wine???).

Through this film, you get to explore different types of submission, different kinks, and different forms of power play. I respect what it did with that because I learned something about certain kinks I hadn’t explored yet. There are a lot of long silences, and it exhausted me of the dating scene completely to see her go on those dumb dates that led nowhere.

Sanctuary (2022)

Now, this is probably my favorite movie on this list. First of all, we follow a female dom (Margaret Qualley for the win), and the plot of this is pretty interesting: a dominatrix kidnaps her client for money as he tries to break up with her. Obviously, this is not how dom/sub relationships work, but the consensual part of their relationship, which takes up about 30% of the movie, is incredible. I couldn’t look away from the screen throughout the entire film, but I was particularly enthralled by those fantasies we were seeing on display in the first half.

I think this is also the most approachable film on this list, as the BDSM relationship doesn’t play such a big part in the plot, only in the beginning, and it’s so soft in terms of content and of kinks that you don’t really see anything. Margaret’s character refuses to be touched during sessions, so it’s only the guy being turned on by what she says and makes him do, and it’s a good approach to domination. I’ve definitely practiced that.

Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (2019)

This is a little Finnish movie about a heart surgeon who loses his wife and is struck with grief for years until he encounters a dominatrix. I would say save this film for last because it gets pretty brutal and violent with its experiments so if you’re not used to the BDSM community already, this will feel to alienating for you and you’ll just see a horror film, instead of two people connecting on another level you can’t understand yet. But if you wanna see a man in a gag and chains, this is for you. Anyway, I really enjoyed this film. I thought the main character was really going through it and had a lot of empathy for him, and I loved the ending. I highly recommend it.

---

I have a whole list of BDSM films to go through to get you more recommendations like these out because I deeply want BDSM to be normalized and discussed in regular circles. Because it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s an art form that has existed for centuries and will continue to develop. There are no shameful kinks, only people full of shame.

From Marseille with Love,

*vapes away*