Tinder Fatigue

6 years surviving on this app have taught me a lot

So this subject has been all over my internet feed since the beginning of the year but I will try to do it justice while bringing new elements to light as I’ve been on and off Tinder since 2018 and have seen its evolution through time and the age groups.

In 2018, Tinder was a rite of passage every newbie in university got, to get to know people and go on casual dates around campus, everyone being new to campus or wanting to get to know more people.

In 2021, Tinder became more of a hookup place for the so-called yet unidentified situationships. It was a time when you were dating one person for months exclusively but refusing to label it.

In 2024, on Tinder, you get invited to a sex club on a first date and in the very first message.

What changed, what happened?

A couple of things.

First off, I got older and so did my target demography. I’m 24 now, being a 2000 baby and all, which means I’m interested in seeing people aged 23-30 which is a demography that is mostly looking for hookups on the app and nothing serious or long-term. Most of these people are transient, either on holiday (I live in Marseille we get all the tourists) or prone to moving for a career progression. Which means something serious isn’t on the table.

We are no longer in university and stuck in one place for a long time, and most career advantages come from moving to Paris, Lyon, or other important European cities, therefore, the people on the app are less inclined to something serious.

Apart from demographic issues which seem like I’m defending Tinder, which I’m not, there’s another issue for Tinder, what I like to call the lack of impunity.

People on the app are so certain that they can hook up on it that they forgo most basic get-to-know questions and think Tinder is the Uber Eats of hookup, where you can swipe for a day and have a ‘date’ the same night, which usually means texting ‘do you wanna come over’ to 10 different people until one of them says yes and bam! Sex delivered at your door!

Tinder is no longer for dating, it’s only for sex. And I have Tinder on for both men and women so I can testify to this fairly accurately.

The app has tried to change its infamous reputation as a hook-up app by adding questions to its bio options, which nobody uses. Tinder will never be Hinge.

On the other hand, Hook-up culture is dying. Women are no longer interested in having meaningless sex which dehumanizes them and are happier being celibate and forgoing the dating apps altogether to meet someone in real life via work or friends.

So what is the solution? It can’t be celibacy.

The solution is showing to third spaces (free hang-out places) and starting to talk to people. Show up to activity groups you enjoy (most are joining a running club which I find fatphobic and not body-inclusive) but join a D&D group, a knitting club, go to conferences on subjects you love, show up to that book club!

That’s how you’re going to meet new people. And don’t go there with the prospect of meeting someone romantically because you’re going to be disappointed unless everybody there is your physical type like a Tinder algorithm which I seriously doubt, but let go of the perceived beauty from dating profiles and get to know interesting, cultured people who like the same thing as you.

Tinder has seriously messed up with our dating skills and dating POV. We think people will show up perfectly handsome because of the amount of choice we have on the app which means we can always find our type. But real life is different, people are more interesting there, more full of life and color.

It will get you out of your comfort zone to show up to cultural events in your city, and you’ll expand your mind by talking to different people, even if it’s not sexual or romantic.

I wrote this article for my best friend who’s been getting Tinder fatigue after her first date and got Tinder heartbroken after some random guy cooked for her and invited her to fuck and when she said no, he said she wasn’t spontaneous enough.

Giving her and everyone struggling on dating apps my love, and see you on the other side <3